Dating websites and self esteem
Dating websites and self esteem
One day, he is caring and loving and wonderful, and the next he is hateful and raging and mean. You are afraid to talk, or when you do talk you feel like you are never heard, your words are taken out of context, misunderstood, or blatantly ignored. In the beginning of a relationship they might seem like everything you ever wanted….usually this is because they are trying to act like everything you ever wanted. You have no support group and therefore your partner gains more power. He or she might be mean to people they think are “below them” or people who are defenseless, like babies or children.
They will make you feel like you are the one that is going crazy instead of them. You might worry about what you wear and what you say and freak out if someone changes your plans or something unexpected happens that you will have to explain later. You’re not quite sure what will set them off, but you are afraid that something you do is going to make them lose their temper… You might think that the Bears are the best football team–your partner will convince you that you are stupid for thinking so because they suck. They might talk about cheating on an old partner, or be proud of their reputation.
If they hit you, they will make you feel like it was because of something you did wrong. Talk to a member of the opposite sex, they interrogate you about it. You better be ready to explain where you were and what you were doing and why you were doing it. Teachers and bosses are trying to make things hard for them on purpose.
If they cheat on you, they will blame it on something you couldn’t provide them. You start to feel like you are playing a game to which there are no rules and there is no way out. Your partner has to know where you are and what you are doing at all times. He or she might spy on you, check the messages on your phone, talk to your friends without you knowing, have people “check up” on you, hack into your email account or Facebook to see who you are talking to. But they make you feel like you have to stay with them no matter how they treat you, or that they can’t help the way that they act. No matter what they do, or have done, nothing is ever their fault.
Here are some signs that might indicate that you are dating a psychopath. You might get mad at people for trying to convince you to break up with your partner, or make excuses for your partner because you are convinced that you are the only one that understands him or her. He or she feels entitled to act the way that they do.
You might try to talk about how you are feeling–your partner turns everything around and tries to talk about everything you’re doing wrong. Even when they hurt you, they make you feel bad for the pain it has caused them. They often don’t actually feel guilty about what they have done, only that they were caught. Other people might warn you about dating your partner–if they have a track record of abuse, most likely it is only a matter of time until they abuse you. Your friends and family wish that you would break up.
Savannah’s Frequently Asked Questions Letting Go of the Need to Please But We’re Just Friends: A License To Disrespect Inside the Mind of a Narcissist: What’s Really Go On Understanding the Cheating Narcissist: Breakdown, Breakthrough and Breaking Free Are You Overly Critical?
: Changing Your Childhood Schemas Healthy is as Healthy Does: The Behaviors of Emotionally Healthy People Your Relationship Behavior: A Barometer of Your Self-Esteem The Most Important Lesson I Ever Forgot Tools of the Trade: A Narcissists Guide to Crazy Making Self-Compassion: A Pillar to Healthy Living The Dance of the Manipulator and Fifty Shades of Savannah Grey Affirmations: The Key to Changing Your Self-Talk Burning Your Bridges: Taking the Ability to Retreat out of Your Hands Ghosts of Valentine’s Day Past When Your Need To Be Loved Supersedes Good Judgment: Becoming a Self-Love Warrior The Obesity/Self-Esteem Dynamic Do You Suffer From The Fixer Mentality?
Your partner will play into this, claiming that other people are just jealous of what you have or are just trying to bring you two down. For example, if someone hurts them, they feel they have a right to retaliate.
If a teacher fails them, or a coworker says something bad about them, they feel entitled to revenge.
They might lose their temper in the middle of a restaurant because they think you are flirting with the waiter. You’re not always sure what the problem is, but things never add up. If you follow what they say, things still don’t get better.
They might bring up personal issues at inappropriate times. If you work hard to fix one thing, they will find something else that is wrong. They always have an excuse or a story or someone to blame: someone caused them to act the way that they did.
It seems like your partner is two completely different people. Your partner finds faults with your friends or makes you feel bad or uncomfortable about any time you spend with other people. You want to believe that this is possible, but the cycle keeps repeating and each time your self-esteem is chipped away at, bit by bit. He might hit or kick your dog whenever he comes over.